Attention 

To feature in the forthcoming: Like A Tiny Sparrow Rising From The Ashes

Did I mention
I like attention
It’s an addiction
Or at least an affliction
But
Don’t we all
We all want another
To treat us like
Nobody else matters
Nobody else comes close
To us
To me
And those in the past
Whose job it was
Back then
They failed
To the nth degree
Failed
From the outset
Maybe I was needier then
Maybe I wasn’t
Maybe I don’t care anymore
Now it doesn’t matter
Because I won
The queen of the givers
Hurrah for me
And thank god
For her
I’m full to the brim
It’s glorious
But I still can’t get enough
Even though I’m stuffed
I’d gorge if I could
I’d take so much more
I’d throw up on love
I’d swallow it down
Just to have my stomach
Wretch on kindness
I’d eat you
Every inch
Just so I’d pass out on being loved
Fabulously happily
But knowing this now
And seeing what was
How much is enough
It’s all relative
I see it now
Now that I know how attentive
An attenter
Like you
Distributing attention
To an attentee
Like me
Can be
Yes
It’s relative
I’ve learned to see
That a beast unfed
Gets hungrier
And hungrier
By the day
To the point where
It will kill
Mutilate
Savage
To feed
Well I never got that far
With those
Who failed
I was a bit hungry
Not starving
But I did spit my dummy out and delete the offenders
One at a time
Administering
P45s for failures in love
So now
I hear you ask
How was my rehab
How was my recovery
From the lack of attention
That I’m now loathe to mention
It’s fed
I now know not what it’s like
Lonely
I now know not what it’s like
Alone
I now know not what it’s like
To crave a missing part of a desire I craved
Because all my needs are met
All my wants are gorged
All my gaps where the pain hurt hard
Are full of a paste fixing the best of worlds together
All made of all things kind
Loving
Generous
And warm
Did I mention
I like attention
And I’m purring like
The fattest fucking cat
Full of the cream I got
Full of the smiles of the sandboy
Full of the butterflies of wow
Full of the attention I need
Full of the magical pixie dust
We know as oxytocin
And a handful of other chemicals
My brain likes and lusts for
That are manufactured
In a magical human factory
By the truckload
And delivered
With the care
And the love
Hanging off my arm
Washing my hair
Kissing my neck
Holding my heart like it’s the most important thing in the world
Because to her
And she melts me with this
Completely
It is

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My Enemy Turned Ally

Currently unpublished

I used to lie awake at night
With nothing but my thoughts
Goading me to despair
Leading me hand in sweating panicking pulling retracting hand
Into oblivion
Into sadness
Into anxious worlds
That only death held a hopeful
Illuminated green exit sign
Above the door to freedom
As the best way
As the only way
Or so I thought
Out of that mess
Continue reading “My Enemy Turned Ally”

Mind Your Own

So after running my own businesses and working freelance for many years and always having a business card in my wallet it feels weird now that I’m working for ‘the man’ and that I don’t readily have that outdated technology of a small square of paper to hand to people with my contact details instead of just bumping phones together or typing my number into someone else’s mobile as is the way now.
Continue reading “Mind Your Own”